drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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