Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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