Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
