i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
