Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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