wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
