just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
