I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
