dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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