There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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