What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
