i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
