A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
