Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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