Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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