Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
