I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
