i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
