I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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