Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
