just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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