We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
