If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
