Midget sex pt 2 tonight
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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