I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
