I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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