I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
