Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
