I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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