is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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