the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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