woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
