Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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