I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
