Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
