Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
