Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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