Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
