i already hear my dad disowning me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
