So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
