wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
