I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
