thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
