I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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