Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
