remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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