fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
