i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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