After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Are we still banned from the library?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
