Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
one two three fourrrrnication!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
