worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
