Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
