Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she peed on how many people?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My ass is underappreciated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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