Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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