We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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