You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
