Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
