Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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