If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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