How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
