Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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