Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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