you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
