Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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