it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
