remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize