before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
