Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
