I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He felt like a one man threesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
