You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
