Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
