That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two words: eviction party
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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