I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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