Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im holly from the hills drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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