he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
