it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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